pheobe18

02:58 am: WOW!
I'm so board with everythingright now. Not Brent but I barely get to see him anymore. Maybe twice a week if Im lucky. Its nothing but school, work, and homework. I know that you cant be board if you have somethnig to do but somehow I am. Im sick of doing everything all the time. I guess thats life though. I need to find a beter job because they've started giving me only like 11 hours a week, and thats not enough to live on and pay the bills. But I have to go I miss Brent soo much. Need to go get in the shower in which I havent had time to do in like four days, its discusting. Then its off to work I go and then I come home and do more homework that I've been working on for the last three days. grrrrrr! See you later. Love ya baby!

04:31 am: Happy New Year everybody!

04:25 am: sleep?
So what does a dream of me playing poker with a bunch of kidengardeners in there classroom mean? It was strange. Because at one point I left the class and it wasnt part of my dream anymore but then I had to go back because I had to. It was like I had to teach them but the at the same time I was playing against them. Wow, kinda screwed up hu? I laugh at the whole ordeal.

01:36 am: People
So really how are people raised? I dont get it, do there parents accually teach them punctuality? Why is it that when you tell someone to call you at one time then they always call you 30 mins. later than you asked them to? These seems to be the norm. Not always because there accually busy either just chilling and forgot to call. This seems strange to me. I believe enless I truely forget(in which I do sometimes, few and far between but I admit it happens, I dont call them at all because by the time I do remember I've already seen them)there is no excuse for it. Anyways, why is it that people wait all year till New Years to accually say there going to change something about themselve and then most always never do. I believe that there are alot of hipecretes out there and I know that everyone including me self has been one, but I beleive that a hipecrete is some one who does it all the time and is very obvious about it. So Ive had a really hard time desiding if I like the new changes that I've noticed in myself this last year. I know I should just kinda except it and all but how, I dont even now them all, which ones are for the worst and which ones are for the better. Its really confusing, everythings more confusing these days. I though everything was stressful when I was in middle school, wow, was I nieve. I still am to most of the world but am learning slowly. I know that saying that "good guys finish last", well I think I know why most girls leave there men who are desent. Now only are they stupid in not realizing how good they have it with these good guys, but they dont think that the guy truely could be as inocent as just loving you for you. FInally I have come to grips,(I know, I know, took me a while) that I am with a truely good guy. I dont know how I did it. I mean I was with so many bad guys that I know I didnt see him standing there for a long time, but I am extremely glad that I opened my eyes in time to snag him. I trust him as much as anyone could ever trust another human being. And thats alot of trust. Still sometimes I'm hesitant to trust because I know he has it and I know he wouldnt do anything to hurt me but I really couldnt take it if he ever did. I love him so mush and respect him too. They say the love part and trust part comes rather easily compared to respecting the person so I believe Im on a role. lol. I hope he realizes that my life truely does lay in his hand and I love him soooo much it hurts alot of the time. I cant wait till we can see eachother everyday. I love you baby doll and dont you EVER forget it.

11:09 am: HEHE
I love the Fifth Element! She is so HOT!

12:22 pm: I love you Honeybun!!
I feel like i need to express my love for you in some very obviously obsered way. I feel stupid but thats it for you. Today i purchased a book of "deals". Some of them are pretty good but not alot of them. I keep feeling like I was jipped so I keep telling myself that it was for charity, in which it was. She sold it to me at work which that was mistake number one. I didnt want to give her cash, so I gave her my debit. STUPID STUPID I know. But I made sure to get the company she was working for and made sure it was ok. I also loged onto the sports team in which it was helping sponsering. I also got a reciept. I didnt know what she should have put on there but only my info is on it. her name and company I guess and the girls first name. its strange and i dont like it but what am i to do about it know its over and done with.
ANyways I love I love I really do!!!!! KISS KISS HUG HUF AND MORE KISSES>(heehee) I found some things in the book that I guess Im stuck with that we can do that wed been thinking about for cheaper. Thats good. I helped someone else this year and even if it cost me alittle more we still got our accually plan prices marked down. I know I know a dumb way to think about it but if it helps me sleep at night who gives a rats tail anyways. Im really tiered and wish that youd call me please. Pretty PLEASE! oh yeah we went over this begging wont help lol! Theres another good thing, my bank account is still in the plus and over by a whole 100 dollars. YEAH! Well I love you and Ill talk to you soon. Really soon lol! BUb-BYE and I love you!

12:12 pm: I hate second guessing myself. I do that to often. I think I'm not as confedent in what I say or do because I dont know how much of the things I do because my mind hass been altered. Like how many things I think I say but its only in my head. I know I sound crazy but you know what they say crazy people dont really know there crazy. So how do I deal with this? Like everyone else whose tried a drug or two? Is it just me(im sure its not) but why doesnt anyone else have the same symptoms. I realize that everyone has different body chemistry, but someone must do the same, nobody is complete unique. Why do I get these symptoms of memory lost or gain.

Different subject now.

When I was younger I believed that I was able to change the world. Now that I've grown alittle, I belive that I can change maybe my immediate surrounding area if that. Is this the drugs making me loose my determination and will power or is this just part of growing up and realizing its alot harder than it seems to do what you would like to do in life/ the world. (I wish I was a cat)

Now Telling the love of my life:I love you baby boy!!!!

12:04 pm: What is life?

Is it a state of being or a since of existence?
Is it our body, our mind, our soul?
Is it the people around you or is it the animals?
Is it the things you do such as work, school, sports?
Is it the relationships in which you form and are a part of?
Is it within the drugs of the world?
Is it the holidays in which we celebrate or the deaths we deal with?
Is it the successes or failures in which we obtain?
Is it just going to bed at night and getting up in the morning?

And most of all is it just here because we like to think and possibly acknowledge something that we have created within our minds, our molecules, and our perspective?

Just throwing some ideas out there that have been thought about since the begining of time, so through me some feed back. Thanks.

04:01 pm: Ok Yeah!
This is my 8th day not smoking a single hit of a cigrette! I dont understand why they say that smoking is the hardest addiction to overcome(of coarse arguably with other things I could possible thing of out there). But still I only want one now while thinking about it and as long as I have my binkie and something to do that isnt overly stressful I forget that I was ever a smoker. Its very strange. Not only did I myself wnat to quite but I also made a bet.
Kirby bet me that if I didnt have not one hit of a cigrette for one monthn starting November 1st through December 1st than he would give me 50 dollars. ANd the tests of wills begins! lol. So I cant believe that he thought that he had better odds and winning this or he may even have a trick up his sleeve we'll see and I will conquer. Any ways I thing its kinda funny that Ive racked up more of a debt sence than. Oh well I;m screwed anyways. I so happy from Brent though He finally got a job out of the restraunt bussiness. Its going to be nice. What sucks though is my one outlet other that Brent is poker and I dont even have enough money to be able to go this week until Friday and poker's on Thursday. Its really a bummer. Oh well its my fault I really need to be more careful. I was pissed today in the cafiteria when I went to buy lunch and my debit was declined. I had the money in my account thats what I dint understand. I cant get anymore hours at work either. It sucks. Tommarrow I have a really long shift that I've never worked this particular one before because its the managers shift. So you see Im doing as much as I can and not getting anywhere. I feel like I'm just spinning my tires. GGGRRRRRR~!!!!! Anyways I have my last class in ten minutes so gotta get going. Thanks and BYE!

04:19 pm: :P
So, I finally got to go to my first really party. With drinking and people I've never met before. It was fun, but I dont think I'm going to go to them often at all and I you knew what that meant than you'd understand that it probley means never. I had a blast but it just isnt the type of life for me.
Anyways gotta keep this short not much time. So here it in a nut shell.

I hate money.
I need money and thats why I hate it.
I need a second job for money and I cant get one because the economy sucks because of money.

I like purple bunnies, blue kitties, and and rainbow frogs.
Life is complicated but gotta live and try to make the best of it.
I dont understand how people can live without the love of there life. I forgot how I used to do it. But know we help eachother through thick and thin and I love him/us for it.

Chat later you strange little beings!